There Goes My Life
by United Profilers
Summary: William Reid looks back at his life, and how he regrets every choice he made, every moment of it in general after his son turned 10.


**I do not own Criminal Minds.**

**Note: Some things may be a little inaccurate, but they're kind of like that to help work with this story.**

**Language warning, hints of suicide.**

The moment he heard the sound of a newborn baby crying, he nearly cried himself. His wife had already begun to shed tears when the nurse finally handed her the child. William noted that he or she was just a little on the small side in terms of size, but that didn't mean they wouldn't grow out of it later in life. After asking what the gender was, he smiled along with Diana at their new baby boy, whom eventually calmed down as gentle arms held him and rocked him back and forth.

"He's gorgeous." She breathed, tears still slowly rolled down her face.

"What shall we name him?" William asked, his face close to his wife's as they continued to stare upon their child.

"I don't know yet." Diana said honestly. "I'm sure we'll think of something." She smiled. "Why don't you hold him?"

William took the infant gingerly, grinning at him. The boy, surprisingly still not crying, stared back with a somewhat blank expression. The man holding him chuckled lightly, finally he received a brief, small smile back.

The baby squirmed around and cooed at his father.

**(Spencer Reid!)**

Four year old Spencer Reid gulped and sent an unsure look towards his father before gripping the bicycle handles a little too tightly. William smiled and lightly patted his son on the back for reassurance. Spencer looked forward down the mostly empty street, feeling less and less eager to learn how to ride this contraption.

"It's okay, Spencer. Once you learn how to ride a bike, you never forget."

"But daddy, I have an eidetic memory, I can't forget." The boy said.

"I know that smarty pants." William chuckled. "What I mean is when you figure how to ride, you don't need to learn ever again." Spencer nodded wordlessly and took a deep breath.

"Now, I promise I won't let go unless you tell me to, got that?" After gaining a second nod, he slowly began to push while his son worked the pedals. Spencer certainly had the brains to know how to work a bike, but he wasn't exactly the physical type, even for his age and balancing was really the only issue he had without help.

The day ended with a bruised arm and scratched up palms for Spencer, and for his father in some of his attempts to catch him only to fall himself and slide across the pavement and scrape his arms.

Spencer sulked during dinner, and at the same time rubbing his sore hands together to try and further ease the pain.

"Don't worry, honey, you'll get it some day, I know you will." Diana smiled softly. The intelligent child was mostly quiet, he pushed around a piece of spinach around on his plate.

"You're mother's right." His father agreed. "High IQ or not, we're only human, and it's just a bike. In fact, I wouldn't even be surprised if you had it mastered by tomorrow."

The boy perked up a little at those words. His dad was right, he can do it. It _is _just a bicycle, first invented by Karl von Drais, at which point had a wooden frame and no pedals...

As he ran the few facts and statistics he knew about the contraption through his head, he forked a piece of spinach and put it in his mouth and began to chew.

It was then he learned that he didn't like spinach.

When William arrived home from work the next day, sure enough, his boy genius was riding the bike they had less success with the day before, flawlessly. He rolled down the window to his car and called out proudly to his son.

Grinning, Spencer steered toward his father as he climbed out. Hopping off his bike, the child prodigy ran up to the man and wrapped his little arms around his legs. Chuckling, William bent over and almost effortlessly picked up the lightweight boy and carried him into their home.

8 year old Spencer Reid snuggled between his parents on the sofa. Certain events that would rather go unmentioned had occurred beforehand and he didn't want to think about them, though his strong memory made that difficult, he tried his best at least. He glanced over at the beautifully decorated Christmas tree, multi-colored light strands wrapped around the fine smelling pine, the lights reflected off candy canes, beads, garland, and sparkly bulbs, creating an even more dazzling look. A rare snowfall outside made it even better, the ground was already covered in white.

Tensions had risen and Spencer could tell, thankfully, with it being around the holidays, arguments between his parents were at a minimum, that alone was a good enough gift for him, despite the several wrapped packages resting under the tree.

Diana and William were still proud of their child, having an IQ of 187, the ability to read 20,000 words a minute, mostly due to him having an eidetic memory, but they knew he would do great things in life. What exactly, they were no more certain than Spencer was, but they just knew it would be something grand.

Despite some hardships, life could still be considered good for the Reid family. That is until after Spencer turned ten...

"Spencer, please go to the other room." William half ordered.

"Don't treat him like a child." Diana said.

"I am not going to have this conversation in front of him." He said sternly, while only vaguely aware of his son glancing back and forth between him and his mother.

After his wife had gotten 'sick', things slowly went downhill, and now they've reached the breaking point. He couldn't stand his wife's occasional erratic behavior, even with Spencer around to help, he couldn't handle it. Granted, he was a grown man, but at the time it seemed that the right thing to do for the sake of his sanity was to leave. He remembered packing his bags, saying a simple goodbye before walking out the door, unsure if he would ever return, not even wondering what his wife and son were doing at the moment he left, or what they would do in later years. He remember climbing into his car after tossing his suitcase in the trunk, backing out, and driving off, not sure where he would even live. At one point, he considered turning back, but decided against it. It was for his own good anyway.

How could he have been so stupid?

Diana had suggested he take Spencer with him, he brushed it off, thinking that having his son with him would remind him too much of his ailing wife at home, but he never took the time to consider all the circumstances. Maybe things wouldn't have turned out the way they have now had he taken up on Diana's offer. Maybe his son wouldn't hate him like he did now, but as far as he was concerned, Spencer had every right to hate him.

He basically left a ten year old boy to do a man's job. It wasn't until Spencer turned 18 that he had his mother sent away. What a horrible birthday that had to have been for the poor young man.

_Yeah, no thanks to you, you jackass. _He thought bitterly to himself as he thought up more ways to belittle himself.

_Bastard, idiot, coward..._

"You're weak." Diana spat.

He never thought much of it before, but now he knew she was right all along. William wasn't quite the superstitious type, but the thought that one little thing could have changed all of this only made him more depressed.

And he never got a chance to say he was sorry.

Of course, by now an apology was most definitely out of the question. All those passing years did nothing but burn bridges, widen gaps, break apart the family even more, if he could still even consider himself part of the family. He did try to visit Diana once in a while, but every time she would say she didn't know who he was, but he could see in her eyes that she was lying. He knew what she was like during an episode, and she certainly wasn't having one at the time.

_Can you blame her you worthless piece of shit. _He sighed while tapping his fingers on the half empty beer glass. To be a part of his wife and son's lives again seemed lost in the wind. He had the chance to fix things, to make things right that faithful day, but he blew it.

And he could blame no one but himself.

He continued to keep tabs on Spencer to this day, and by now he was thirty, as it was his birthday. To think that 20 years ago, he was watching his parents argue, only to see his father selfishly walk out on him and his mother, thinking only for himself. He was surprised to see him that one time, only to learn that he was accusing him of murdering a boy. He only figured it was natural, after all, it was clear that his son hated his guts, and his FBI teammates didn't seem super fond of him either.

William slowly came out of his thoughts, becoming more aware of his surroundings. He was sitting on a stool in a bar, he knew that much. He had avoided excessive drinking for most of his life, but he just needed something to help, though he also knew that if he kept up his current intake of alcohol, he would certainly not live for very long. Not that it mattered, in fact, almost nothing mattered now. A young couple went to the Jukebox, turned on a Country sounding tune and danced.

When the lyrics to the song began to play, William almost cried.

_There goes my life._

_There goes my future, my everything._

_Might as well kiss it goodbye._

_There goes my life._

Is there a point of living anymore? He obviously had no part whatsoever in to what became of his son's career choice. He isn't the one who put Diana in a sanitarium, his son did. He never, ever had suggested or mentioned anything about the FBI to Spencer, and yet there he is now, risking his very life to help people, it was his own choice, he even mentioned that to Spencer when he was in Vegas.

"I'm sorry." He croaked, allowing a single tear to fall from his eye as he stared at the amber liquid in the glass in his hand.

"Happy Birthday, Spencer."

**The End.**

**I know there probably aren't many William Reid fans out there, but I felt like writing something like this anyway. :P**


End file.
